ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
