im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
