dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
