You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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