....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
