I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
