Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
