I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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