Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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