So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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