You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
