He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
