I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
