i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
