i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
