i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i black out too much to be "responsible"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
