then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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