My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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