I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
