I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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