I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
