he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
