I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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