Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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