my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
