I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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