I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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