hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Still dying that you shit outside
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize