This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
