When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
