So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize