Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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