remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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