He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
