i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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