Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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