I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
