and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
