wat bout pragnant strippers??
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
