i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
from now on my penis is your penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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