he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
where are my eyebrows?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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