Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
