you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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