I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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