I didn't shave. On purpose
just tell him i said nine months
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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