The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
