there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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