I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
