So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
