I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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