maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
