**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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