DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
