Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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