Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize