I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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