Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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