dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
