Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your penis caused this!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
