I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
