i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
