Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
