well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize