you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
