my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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