You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize