So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I intend to get homeless drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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