Princesses don't give blow jobs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
