Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
