apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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