I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My cat gives me a boner
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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