I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
