I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
