I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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