We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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